Author Archives: Maggie

Don’t Waste Your Cancer – Numbered Days

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IMG_1098(Part 5 in a 11 part series based on John Piper’s booklet, “Don’t Waste You Cancer)

#5 – We waste our cancer if we refuse to think about death.

Many people become uncomfortable when I talk about death. I shocked a hairdresser yesterday leaving the shop, saying I didn’t know when I would be back. It’s not something the healthy want to think about.

Somehow we try to fool ourselves to feel we are immortal; that if we just eat right and drive safely, we’ll have a future and a sense of security.

But what we don’t account for is the minute germ clinging to our hand or the drunk driver spinning across the road.

If we knew death was coming, we would think differently. We would tell our children we love them. We’d hold them a little more closely. We would not waste time and prepare financially. We would think about spiritual and eternal destinations.

Instead, we like our little world of denial. Even cancer has a hard time breaking in. I remember talking with friend with terminal breast cancer about the meaning of “courage.” Everyone says we are courageous, but what does that mean? We are fighting, but there is also courage expressed in those last moments when we surrender. Somehow we think we can control what is within us.

But the truth is, we can’t control it. Death will come for all of us. I can’t control cancer anymore than a car flying at me. My mind and spirit cannot control the cancer eating away at my bones.

The issue is not death; the issue is life. What will I do with my days? Psalms 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Cancer helps us to realize the number of days before us is shorter than what we thought when we were in a state of denial. Cancer helps us develop wisdom.

And I love how the psalm talks about a “heart” of wisdom, because so much of what we learn is emotional. In my acceptance of death, I grew in sensitivity to love — awareness of my own love for others as well as lost opportunities for love. I celebrated as well as grieved. I forgave as well as received forgiveness. Sometimes, I realized that emotional healing was not going to happen, that it takes two people who are willing. Even in that grief, I knew I had taken the steps I needed in the numbered days that I had to pursue reconciliation. Now I could turn to loving others.

Pray that I would develop a “heart of wisdom” instead of denial of death. That is my prayer for you, no matter how many days you have.

How can I pray for you? (comment)

Don’t Waste Your Cancer – A Propped Up Heart

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IMG_1098(Part 4 in a 11 part series based on John Piper’s booklet, “Don’t Waste You Cancer)

#4 – We waste our cancer if we seek comfort from our odds rather than from God.

Before we go any further, I want to say that I am not in favor of pain nor do I feel the sense that I need to put on a face of courage and gut it out. I look for all the comfort I can get while I am being treated. I take medications and an occasional bowl of Breyer’s Black Cherry Jubliee. A little comfort from our odds is to be expected.

The problem comes when we depend on temporary comfort rather than comfort that comes from God. I’m learning that temporary comfort is just that — temporary. It doesn’t last. In fact, it can weigh us down (and make us gain weight!), looking for the next thing that will take away the pain and fear.

John Piper says it this way: “The aim of God in our cancer (among a thousand other good things) is to knock props out from under our hearts so that we rely utterly on him.” (2 Corinthians 1:9)

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had my props knocked out. I remember a day in the midst of horrible treatment when I could not lift my head up. I was barely conscious. As a person who likes to produce, there was nothing I could produce. As I lay there with my thoughts, I questioned God, “How does this glorify you?”

And it was if his answer came with a sense of peace and a smile, “You glorify me by coming to me in dependence. Sometimes pleasing me means just laying there in obedience. You may get better and someday you may accomplish things again, but for now, dependence means laying there.”

I know it was all in my head, but that kind of response felt outside of me. It was not something I would have thought or felt. When all the props were knocked out from under my heart and life, God was there.

How about you? Are you feeling as if all the props are knocked out? Feel free to comment to me personally (Maggie.bruehl@gmail.com) or to leave a comment for others to see.

 

 

Passing it on: Relationships

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2011-5-22 Great WallI read a good article in May 2014 Real Simple: Mother-in-Law & Order and realized it explained some things in my own life about relationships in general (even though the focus is on mother-in-laws). Some observations and thoughts from the article:

1 – When did it get started?  “Mother-in-law issues go back to Year One (or a few decades later), when the Roman satirist Juvenal wrote, ‘Give up all hope of peace so long as your mothering-in-law is alive.'” I wonder if some feelings are affected by the assumption we will not get along?

2 – Why Mother-in-law? Why does it not cross gender lines? “Women spend more time than men analyzing and worrying about relationships.” Good point. “In contrast, men don’t often ruminate, and when conflict arises, they tend to shrug it off rather than address it.” I think I need to learn from the men in my life.

3 – Differing expectations? Expectations of female bonding can create conflict. My mother-in-law called frequently when I first got married and had no idea I hated talking on the phone. We finally figured it out. We also have “superwoman” expectations we put on ourselves and others. When you get married, there is the clash of two cultures (unconscious ways of doing life).

4 – Different dynamics? Mother-in-law relationships catch husbands in the middle. Or, could it be that husbands help create issues by encouraging wives or mothers to meet expectations? I’ve seen situations where the husband hides behind a skirt (“My wife doesn’t want to…”) instead of manning-up to his own feelings.

5 – Humor or Hate? Culture has a huge effect on how we view relationships. I HATE mother-in-law jokes! They are not funny and are discrimination. If you think your mother-in-law will be a problem, she probably will. But if you are determined to believe the best and accept unconditionally, it works much better.

6 – Borders? Comments can feel intrusive and critical (Why do you brown your meat first?). If we’re defensive, we’ll accept comments from that angle. On the other hand, I know I’ve asked my daughter questions about how she does things because I sincerely want to learn from her. Ask a question back to explore your differences. If a question feels prying, a response like, “It’s a personal choice” usually gives a signal to back off.

7 – Tattling? Tattling to someone (usually a husband or family member) so that they will take your side is not good. Talking to others to get insight and perspective can be good. There is a fine line between the two, so check motives and be sensitive about how it will affect the person caught in the middle.

8 – Commitments? I remember when my mother asked me to call her every Sunday night and I just bristled. It felt as if personal freedom was being taken away rather than given, and if I failed, I would be judged (my over-active sense of responsibility). Commitments, just like expectations, need to be negotiated so that they understood and work for everyone.

I’ve been fortunate in my mother-in-law relationships, and the article helped me normalize and understand where some of my feelings (even prejudice) comes from. I’d love to learn from you if you want to leave a comment.

Rockets and Planes – June 13, 2014

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Cru RocketRockets and Planes – both fly and get you to your destination. One just has more resources and a longer destination.

Let’s talk about rockets first. There is a new video on YouTube that is the best explanation of Campus Crusade for Christ/Cru that we have ever seen! Take a few minutes and check it out at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y23_GChHn30

Now let’s talk about planes — Roger is headed for South Africa for a trip with CrossRoads June 12-19. Crossroads is a resource ministry that trains public school teachers how to deal with youth at risk, equipping them to teach morals and ethics from a Biblical world view. While he is there, Roger will meet with CrossRoads leadership from 10 countries: Ethiopia, Uganda, Zambia, Zimbabwe, Seychelles, Mauritius, Swaziland, Botswana, Mozambique and South Africa, as well as the national director of South Africa. Roger and the team will be gleaning best practices, training in new processes and materials and begin the process of planning by country and by region for the next five years.

This is his first overseas trip since Maggie began treatments again for cancer. Pray that the trip will reap eternal benefits and that Maggie will do well at home (She has friends and family she can call on if needed).

You go with us wherever we go through your prayers and giving. You have helped “launch” ministries around the world, in person and digitally. Whenever, wherever, we go, we’re so glad you are with us!

Roger and Maggie Bruehl

Results of Faithfulness – May, 2014

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You did not choose me, but I chose you
and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit
and that your fruit should abide,
so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.
These things I command you, so that you will love one another.
John 15:16-17

Our small group from church has been going through the book of John, and it’s been a wonderful study, especially powerful in light of Easter and Jesus’ resurrection. Each week God has unfolded fresh insights. These verses became even more powerful in light of an email we received:Linda Johnson

The Lord laid you on my heart tonight and I want to thank you for your spiritual input and nurturing my Christian faith. I remember so well the night Maggie shared the Four Spiritual Laws with me as a follow up to CCC’s concert and Jon Braun’s (I think that was his name and not sure how to spell it, but it was on Sex, Love, and Dating). Although I didn’t quite understand the difference between religion and a personal relationship with Jesus, I became involved in the CCC meetings.

About three months later that the Holy Spirit touched my heart and gave me understanding that I truly accepted Christ as my Savior.  I loved our bible studies and friendship.  I learned so much and the Lord used CCC and you to instill in me a love for evangelism and discipleship.  I am grateful for the firm foundation that was built in my early years as a Christian…

Linda was a student at Illinois State University in 1969, and her life was radically changed. After teaching 6 years to pay off student loans, she attended Moody Bible Institute. The communist revolution in Grenada, West Indies, forced her home after just 2 years as a missionary. Resilient, she has served in Brazil for the last 30 years. Like she said, “Little did I know what plans the Lord had for me and my future then…Thank you for being instruments in the Lord’s hands to teach me guide me, and challenge me in my walk with the Lord.”

We were humbled to receive the email and be reminded, after all these years, of God’s faithfulness. Linda is an amazing example of “fruit that remains.” And we were reminded it was not by our power we were chosen to reach others. We were fulfilling our “appointment.” We asked for “fruit” and God has given it to us over and beyond anything we could have imagined.

We were grateful to hear Linda’s story and hope you hear it as a story affirming you in your faithfulness. So many have stood with us during the last 40 years of ministry. Often, we don’t know the results. But sometimes we get glimpses of how those prayers and giving have produced fruit. Thank you for your partnership with us.

Roger and Maggie

Conversations About Jesus – April 8, 2014

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I’ve been sick all week and am finally opening the mail. We received 2 letters back to back that I thought might be an encouragement to you.

The first was from Pam who talked about Debbie (Jesus Film) who had an opportunity to share with a Muslim woman on the plane. I don’t know about you, but I often don’t know where to start a conversation. Her opening line was, “Is your religion important to you?” What a great question! The woman explained that she was a devout Muslim, but then asked Debbie about her religious beliefs.

And interesting conversation followed about who Jesus is. Debbie told her about The Jesus Film and Magdalena, a movie we originally created for Muslim women. When they touched down, she was able to find it in Arabic at app.jesusfilmmedia.org and showed it to the woman who exclaimed, “They speak Arabic!” She emailed the link to her so that she could watch the entire film later.

The second was from Leah who had a great Costco story. Three years ago she struck up a conversation with am employee who looked like she was in emotional pain at the gas pumps, bringing God/praying into the conversation. The woman poured out that her estranged daughter was married to an ex-convict who was beating her regularly. She promised to pray, returned the nozzle and drove away.

Just weeks ago, Leah was again at Costco, in the pharmacy line, when Donna rushed up to her. “She left him! She and the girls are now with me!” she said excitedly. They talked in the clothing aisle and Leah told her how she had continued to pray. What a God moment that must have been.

I guess I’m sharing these stories because they are a reminder to me that we are a “light” to those we are around, whether it’s on a plane or in Costco (or a hospital waiting room – where I spend much of my time these days). And I was impressed with the ease and boldness of how these women turned everyday encounters to the Lord. I thought they might be an encouragement to you.

And, this is why we do what we do — a passion to reach people for Christ. How we work out that passion is sometimes more administrative (like auditing the ministry that produces The Jesus Film so that it doesn’t get shut down), but that passion is the same. We knew you were passionate about the gospel also. Maybe these tips will encourage you —

Maggie

 

When “Stable” Is Exciting

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walkIn the past, “stable” has been a boring word to me. I’m such an action person. In fact, according to the Strength Finder’s assessment, two of my top strengths are “Activator” and “Achiever.” Can you see why “stable” feels like no progress at all? Stable is almost a bad as “maintenance.”

But when it comes to my kind of cancer, “stable” is a close runner-up to “remission.” “Cure” is a word I know I will never hear unless there is an incredible medical breakthrough. And I know there are plenty of negative words I have and could hear. So when the doctor said “stable” last week, it was a good thing.

I’m on my 9th round of chemo since last fall. Initially we knocked the cancer back, killing it faster than it was growing. But that’s tough on the body. Now I’m’m at a lower dose of chemo which basically holds it even — we’re killing it at the same rate it is growing. It still compromises my immune system so I have to be careful, but I can still get around.

So “stable” is a good thing. It means I can go on vacation with my family. It means I can make plans with the awareness that they might have to be changed. It means that I get to have lunch with friends and volunteer for projects within the ministry. It means what I dread is coming, but is still a ways away.

I know others who are not in exciting periods in their lives. Their marriage isn’t exciting right now, but stable. Their job isn’t highly motivational, but stable. When do we accept stablity as a good thing and hope (and trust) for things to get better over time? When is faithfulness in less than exciting circumstances what God wants? I’m glad my doctor has a good handle on when to just wait and enjoy life and when to take aggressive action, even it means pain. I pray the same in the lives of others that they will know.

So I’m excited about being “stable.” Right now, i’m rocking on the porch of a cabin in the mountains, listening to gentle drops of rain on tree leaves nearby. That’s something I wouldn’t be doing if I wasn’t stable. Roger and I had devotions together this morning. That’s something I wouldn’t be doing if I wasn’t stable. Kids and grandkids are coming to see us the next few days for fun and frolic, something I wouldn’t be doing if I wasn’t stable. I’m excited to be alive and have opportunity to share “life” with others.

Stable is exciting!

 

Don’t Waste Your Cancer – Taking the Cup

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IMG_1098(Part 3 in a 11 part series based on John Piper’s booklet, “Don’t Waste You Cancer)

 #3 – We waste our cancer if we believe it is a curse and not a gift.

I have seen so many people suffer unnecessarily. It’s not their disease that is causing the suffering, but their judgment of themselves. They are looking for a cause within themselves that will explain why they were chosen — did they eat the wrong foods? Where they exposed to the wrong environment? Did they make wrong choices? Was it inherited?

It’s as if we have to have something to blame, including ourselves. If we can find the cause, then we think it will make sense to us. What we don’t realize is the damage we do to ourselves in the process. I think of Psalms 3:6 where David talks about the thousands who are accusing him — to me it’s the thousands of voices in my own head that accuse me.

And so what? What if we smoked or the office had asbestos? What difference does it make if our uncle had cancer? It doesn’t take away ours. We can’t un-write what has already been written.

Cancer, death, being mortal, is a curse from the beginning of time. It was not God’s ideal. It ended up being what separated us from God.

But it is also what brings us to God. Going through the suffering, we need hope. It’s not just the hope for a cure, but also a hope for a future. It brings us in touch with our mortality, the inevitable.

It challenges us to think differently about this life on earth and what is to come. Our soul is our connection with God and separates us from the plants and animals.

That awareness, and even the fear that comes with it, is a gift. When you look death in the face, you also see life. Each day is precious. It’s savored. Before cancer, I was not as aware that each day contains opportunities to write memories and leave legacies. It’s not about us as much as it is about those who remain.

For me, it has been a gift. Like I said before, it’s a gift in horrible wrapping paper. It’s been a gift I never wanted to receive. At one point, I wrote a poem about it, as if it was a cup of wine:

Taking the Cup

 It was forced on me,
Shoved into my chest
Taking away breath,
Red splashed on white.

I didn’t want it.

I didn’t ask for it
But I could not flee.
It was all over me!

It was freezing cold fear
Gripping mortality,
Ripping apart
Emotions held dear.

I was empty and alone,
Feeling there was nothing
Large enough or wise enough
To lead to hope

Until

I took the cup

Clutched it to my breast
Received it.

Receiving it as a gift, without having to know all the whys, gives a sense of release. God does forgive the past and, in his grace, he offers a future.

I’d love to hear from you if you would like to comment at the top right of this blog…

(Poem taken from Splash: Captured Moments in Time, WestBow Press, available at http://www.Amazon.com And a “shout out” to Blue Ridge Writers and Poets who critiqued this before posting!)

Reading Articles or Working Out?

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DSC_0378Cancer has done a number on my weight. Between the broken leg, chemo and steroids, sitting on the couch and a few higher carb indulgences, I’ve seen a steady increase in my weight. I’ve gotten the weight gain under control, but haven’t been successful with weight loss.

That’s why I read articles with the hope they will encourage me. Jonna Weppler wrote in Woman’s Day, “How I Finally Learned to Stop Dieting.” These are the major points she learned at the Biggest Loser Resort Niagara.

1 – Wake Up, Drink Up – a trainer suggested she drink a big glassful of water before doing anything else in the morning. Actually, I do this one! I saw a TV beauty spot that drinking water hydrates your skin, especially important in the morning. So, before I am really awake and know what I am doing, I drink 24 oz of water! Check off one for me!

2 – Get Serious about Exercise – don’t procrastinate until “everything at home is squared away.” How did they know about me? I’m actually writing this with my gym clothes on, with good intentions to go earlier but getting some things “squared away.” Guilty as charged!

3 – Crunch the numbers – healthy eating is 30/30/40 split (protein, fat and carbs). Again, guilty. When I have done well, it’s because of an app called “My Fitness Pal.” It has made recording much easier and has fast food nutritional counts.

4 – Hit the Hay Sooner – “The later I putter, the likelier I am to end up in the pantry.” This was true before I struggled with fatigue, but now it takes energy to get off the couch to get to the pantry! The principle is to get good, deep rest which is also recommended fighting cancer. I’ve had to process the difference between laziness and rest and give myself permission to take a nap, go to bed earlier or take a natural sleep aid.

5 – Train for less $$$ – find training buddies and split the cost of a trainer. Roger and James have been doing this lately and it has really been effective! As for me and cancer, I’m just glad I get there and know I could do some serious damage if I over do it. Just moving is victory!

6 – Short-Circuit a Sugar Rush – a little sugar reminds a sweet tooth how much you like it (just like a little sin leads to a bigger one?) They suggested a protein/carb combo (turkey on wholewheat). Really??? In my head I know it’ll work, but emotionally…?

7 – Look Past the Scale – encourage yourself when your clothes get looser or can do more reps. I’m pretty good at this, although it’s hard when the scale says the opposite of what I feel! Which is true?

8 – Wear a Tracker – Roger, Becky and Amanda all have trackers and love them. I’m afraid of what it would say and have chosen to turn my head. It’s a tricky thing trying to balance rest and exercise; faithfulness and guilt.

9 – Resist “Magic Monday” Syndrome – Any day is a good day to get back on track. I’d take it one step further, any moment is a good time to get back on track, starting now!

So – I’m off to the gym. I do light cardio as well as strength (muscles support bones so that they as not as stressed) and stretches (I’ve never really recovered from some of the surgeries).  Pray I’m faithful!

Do you struggle with your weight or something else? What works for you? I’d love to hear your comments!

Don’t Waste Your Cancer – A Horribly Wrapped Package

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IMG_1098(Part 2 in a 11 part series based on John Piper’s booklet, “Don’t Waste You Cancer)

 #2 – We waste our cancer if we do not believe it is designed for us by God.

I struggle with this second point from his book. I do believe God allowed cancer in my life. Somehow, in the mass of humanity, I was chosen against the odds for Multiple Myeloma (African-American men get it the most, then Caucasian men, African-American women and lastly Caucasian women).

It is hard for me to think of the God I love handing me cancer. I can’t imagine giving such a horrible gift to one of my children.

But if I take a step back and try in my feeble mind to look at it from the eyes of a loving God, maybe I can begin to gasp it.

We all die. It is the result of sin, a fallen world. But how does a loving God determine the way we die. Some go quickly while others suffer. Some have medical intervention while others have none. Some people live with daily diseases, trying to regulate their lives for just a few extra days.

How does he decide how we die? Are the kinds of death like playing cards he randomly deals out? That doesn’t fit my view of God. I think he must know who can handle what and the impact it will have on those around them. I think, in his love, he does suddenly call some home. And I think in his love, he does ask some to suffer.

Can suffering and love coexist? I know in my case, my suffering causes me to turn to God. My suffering is physical and emotional, but it is also spiritual. It’s not enough to hope that my doctor is wise or that the medicine will work. To get through suffering, I need more.

“What God permits, he permits for a reason,” John Piper says. As I chew on that statement, I have to agree. He permitted cancer into my life. There is a reason I was chosen versus someone else. I may never know the reason, but cancer does make me more dependent on Him.

And I know it has an effect on the lives of others who are seeing me go through it. God is doing something in their lives also. I often say, “God didn’t just bring cancer into my life. He brought it into my husband’s life, my children’s lives, the lives of my grandchildren and friends.” Accepting it personally is, in part, to help others accept it and to allow God to work through in their lives. In the same way God and cancer makes me dependent on God, I want to encourage them.

So I guess, reluctantly, I have to agree: God designed this cancer for me. He didn’t just allow it. It’s a precious gift in a horribly wrapped package. As I tear the paper, I can’t wait to get rid of it. The future is what is inside.

What is your perspective? Do you think God chooses us personally? I’m interested in what you think so please comment.