It’s been almost two years since I posted, since Jason, our son-in-law got sick. Going through cancer with him took me off-line with my blogging, and in some ways, with my heart. There was so much to do, so many feelings, I didn’t blog.
And with his passing, I had reasons to delay:
- We’re still grieving.
- I got trapped in patterns while care-giving Jason; I’m not sure I want to give them up.
- I’m trying to catch up on life I’ve missed!
- I’ve wanted to re-design the website.
- I’ve wanted to complete a book I started. Bottom line: What are my priorities?
I still don’t have answers, but today I decided to start posting again. After all, I have to begin somewhere. It’s not that I haven’t written. I’ve been going through Psalms, rich in emotion and meaning, writing observations.
So what’s my hang-up? It’s my desire to do things “perfectly.” It’s the “expectations” I put on myself. They say you need to post 2-3 times weekly, so I wonder, will I be faithful? Did anyone miss me? Can I still communicate well, to the heart?
I need encouragement. I’ve gotten a little from family and friends, but nothing made me push the button. But today, I realized I write not because of family and friends. I write because I’m suppose to write. I cannot not write.
When I first started blogging, I didn’t tell anyone my blog address. I wanted my thoughts to be between me and God, not others. I also wanted to develop faithfulness. By blogging, I felt it was “out there” but still private.
Along the way, I realized my thoughts could be helpful to others. In fact, I began to feel it was wrong to not put things in cyberspace so that others could learn or be encouraged by whatever I am going through.
Today, my thoughts are no different. What I write is between me and God. But I’m also aware that others are listening, and it’s a good thing.
So—I’m re-launching my blog. Right now it’s on our ministry site. Later I hope to develop my own site. But this is good enough, even if it’s not “perfect!”