I’ve finished my second week of chemo, and I can tell it. I’m shaky and swing from insomnia (thus at post at 4am) to fatigue. I’m starting to puff up with water weight and now weigh more than I have in 6 years.
It’s hard to describe the symptoms, and I know they could be much worse. I am learning how to manage some of them (when headaches will come; don’t fight insomnia but get some good use out of it, how to focus on other things, etc.) but most of the time, internally, they manage me.
One friend said, “Of course, you are poisoning your body.”
I had to think that one through, but it is true. Deliberately, I am poisoning my body. The drugs target fast growing cells which are your cancer cells, but are also good cells. No wonder I am shaky — my body doesn’t know what to do! Does it fight the poison, or is poison its friend?
So it ends up being a mind game. What feels awful is really good. Even if my stomach feels queasy, I don’t need to eat. Even if I am tired, it’s good to focus on something else so that I will sleep at night. What are warning signs that something is terribly wrong inside should be encouraging that the poison is working.
And poisoning yourself is good. In the dying of cells is the potential of life.
In the midst, there is good news. November 21st I have an appointment with the transplant center in Tampa. This is much quicker than last time, which may mean I get through treatment quicker (which would be wonderful). It also may mean facilities are nervous with the changes in health care. Just pray that I won’t be disqualified for some reason.
And pray the poison works.
Crazy!
Dear Lord, may the poison work to clear bad cells from Maggie’s body in preparation for this stem cell transplant. Give her energy for what matters most and give her the ability to rest when that is most important. May she also know how much she is loved, by me and many others.
Thank you for starting the prayer others have added on to. I appreciate everyone’s care and support. See you next Tuesday at Phyllis’ event.
Father, I agree with Sandra. Please protect Maggie… physically and mentally and spiritually. Help her feel loved by YOU and by her friends and family from all over the world. Help that awful poison do GOOD in her body… and help her to discern wisely how to best care for her body as it allows the chemo to do its job. Please help her to qualify for any and all treatments that will help her get better faster. Thank you for loving her so much.
Thank you for your prayers!
Thank you for your sweet prayer – and prayers that continue on my behalf.
Maggie…..thinking of you and praying for you. And yes, praying that the poison kicks butt in your body!
Love and miss you….
Denise~
Had a good dr appt today and it’s starting to “kick butt!”