I’m No Gardener

IMG_1948_2 copyI’m no gardener.

It’s always been a desire of mine to be able to have a garden. I remember my early years and my mothers patch behind the garage. I was especially impressed by the row of corn, probably because it was so tall while I was so little.

Later, she grew strawberries by the side of the garage. I was fascinated by watching them blossom and then turn bright red and juicy. The rabbits loved them also.

Growing up in the city, I loved the concept of farming, living off the land. I read books about 4-H and fantasized about raising animals. I even pretended my bike was a horse, a blue roan, naming it “Sky Blue.”

I choose a college in the middle of the state, farm country. I listened to crop reports on the news. I remember being at a frat party in a corn field. While others were drinking, I wandered into the field, envisioning the feeling of owning land.

But our vocation was not conducive to gardening. Each summer we had a summer assignment and/or a month-long conference. We visited supporters of the ministry and admired their gardens, even ate their apple pie. In California and Florida I planted fruit trees, but we moved a lot and others enjoyed the fruit.

So in semi-retirement, while fighting cancer, I’ve wanted a garden. It’s difficult to get on hands and knees, so I’ve opted for pots on the railings and a raised bed. What have I learned?

You have to commit to planting seeds.

I can hear you groaning, “Duh?” and I confess, it seems obvious. Desire alone doesn’t get you there. Buying equipment doesn’t get you there.

I’ve been pretty much a failure in planting the seeds. I bought a fail-proof table-top greenhouse but they never made it from seedlings to full-grown plants. It’s been hard to figure out seasons in Florida, with winter being summer and summer just being hot. I bought potted plants and they died. The only plant I’ve had success is peppers — and I don’t like hot food. But they have gone crazy!

I’m sure there are some lessons in all this. I’d love to hear what you think…and would be glad to take some advice. (Please comment)

Introverts Unite

2011-5-22 Great WallI recently read an article from The Huffington Post 11/07/2014 entitled: 10 Ways Introverts Interact Differently With The World. It reminded me that so much of what I do is perfectly normal for an introvert, while it doesn’t feel normal when I’m out in the world. I thought others might relate…and the rest might understand introverts a little bit better.

1 – They withdraw in crowds. First, a definition is helpful: “Shyness is about fear of social judgment…Introversion is more about how do you respond to stimulation.” I’m not sure I am as shy as I am introverted. Social situation can overstimulate me rather than make me feel comfortable.

2 – Small talk stresses them out, while deeper conversations make them feel alive. So true for me! And if I don’t think it’s going to get deeper, I move on.

3 – They succeed on stage — just not in the chit-chat afterwards. “At least half of people who speak for a living are introverted in nature,” according to Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, Ph.D.” Interesting…

 4 – They get distracted easily, but rarely feel bored. Again, so true for me! If there is a lot going on, it’s hard to focus, but if it’s quiet, I can achieve much.

 5 – They are naturally drawn to more creative, detail-oriented and solitary careers. So how does me as a part of an evangelistic organization that talks to strangers fit? It’s all about deeper conversations.

 6 – When surrounded by people, they locate themselves close to an exit. How do they know me so well? I hate to feel trapped and will even retreat to a bathroom if necessary just to feel alone in my own space!

 7 – They think before they speak. Sometimes it’s hard for me to contribute to a conversation with 2 or more extroverts. By the time I think of what is worthy to say, the extraverts have moved on to the next topic!

8 – They don’t take on the mood of their environment like extraverts do. I can be sad when others are happy and visa versa. At times, that is socially awkward.

 9 – They physically can’t stand talking on the phone. Roger, do you hear that one? Do they know your wife or not!?!

 10 – They literally shut down when it’s time to be alone. “Solitude matters, and for some people, it is the air that they breathe.” – Susan Cain

Additional thoughts? What’s true for you?

Could It Be True?

IMG_1905I remember as clearly as yesterday the Easter I came face to face with the resurrection story. My sister and I sometimes did plays to commemorate holidays, and I can remember singing “The Old Rugged Cross” for my parents when I was younger – cute but with little knowledge of what I was singing.

But when I was in high school, I remember being in my bedroom and reading the resurrection story. All of a sudden the ridiculousness of the story hit me.

Did I really believe that Jesus came alive from the dead?

It is an unbelievable story, and I don’t fault others for not believing it. I don’t know of anyone else who did it. Medically it’s not possible, at least not after those circumstances.

At the same time, I knew the historical evidence — that a man named Jesus lived and died. Afterwards a huge number, more than what followed him in life, believed in his life, death and resurrection. That group grew in spite of extreme persecution (like being fed to lions) and yet continues, even to this day. Our brothers and sisters in Kenya prove the strength of conviction.

The story around his resurrection is plausible from what I know about the nature of men. I can imagine one out of twelve betraying him. I can imagine them running away, hiding, even denying under pressure that they knew him. I can imagine the fear of the Romans that his body might be stolen and placing a guard. I can imagine weeping women coming to a tomb after all the men ran away. I can imagine seeing visions of their friend.

What I can’t imagine is these cowards stealing a body. I can’tt imagine Roman guards falling asleep at the job, with an impending judgement of death. I can’t imagine the disciples willingness to never express doubt, to be bold in the midst of pressure, to go to the cross themselves, over a hallucination. I can’t imagine that someone, Jew or Roman, never proved the resurrection a hoax. The movement was not silenced. Something happened in the lives of the eleven, and in the lives of the next generation of believers, to turn their lives around.

So, even though, thousands of years later, I can not prove the resurrection, I believed it could have happened. And, if it could have happened, I believed it did happen.

Not because of what believing did in their lives, but because of what it did in my life.

What a Difference a Week Makes

IMG_1905Jason is responding to the chemo! If this keeps up, he’ll qualify for the bone marrow transplant. We have much to be excited about!

I can help but think about what a difference a week makes.

A week ago we had little good news, little hope. Today it is totally different.

It seems as if I have crashed headlong into Easter week. We were suppose to be in Naples, with Roger’s brother, this weekend, relaxing on the beach. We cancelled the trip in light of all that is going on (a wise decision) but as a result, Easter snuck up on us.

Today is Good Friday, the day the people called for his death, the day he suffered and died.

Last Sunday was Palm Sunday, the day the people called him “King.”

What a difference a week made — to being received to rejected, from being followed to abandoned, from loyalty to betrayal.

As I go through the emotions of the last couple of weeks, I can only image how Jesus and his followers felt. It’s a whirlwind. No wonder his disciples went back to fishing. I know how comforting cleaning house and making meals has been for me. It’s doing something stable, something I know, while internally processing fears about all I don’t know.

Thank you for your prayers. I know I’m not the only one in a whirlwind. Many enter this season with their lives turned upside-down. Pray for them also.

What a difference the next three days made!

Thank you for your prayers for Jason

IMG_1926Thank you for your prayers for Jason and our family. We are truly touched by all the emails and messages. He is over the pneuminia and began chemo late Monday night. You can tell he’s excited!

If you want to continue to pray, we have set up a Caring Bridge site: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jasoncosper/journal where you can access the most current information and receive emails when updates are posted. There is also more backdrop information if you are interested. We refreshed his 2009 site so there are journal entries from his amazing battle with lymphoma where we saw God do miracles. We’re praying for His presence again.

Please Pray

becky and jasonPlease Pray! Jason (oldest daughter Becky’s husband) almost died Thursday afternoon. He went to the hospital with back pain but caught a virus and has been in ICU. In the process, they found AML (leukemia). He battled lymphoma a little over 6 years ago. This may be a result of damaged cells from the chemo.
 
Odds are not good but we know we have a God that defies odds. He will spend the next month in the hospital. Thanks for your love and prayers —
 
Maggie & Roger 

Forward – Fixed Point

2011-5-22 Great Wall“Forward to where?” has been my question as I’ve been thinking through my word for the year. January and February was more about not staying still, but I’m too much of a deliberate person to randomly move.

That’s where faith came in. The first challenge was to break inertia.

Yesterday, our teaching pastor talked about Jesus’ last days and his upper room discussion. Everything Jesus did and said was focused on his “fixed point” – going to the cross. He was preparing his friends.

I paused and asked myself, what is my fixed point?

It came quickly and spontaneously. I’ve labored over purpose statements before, but this time it was easy:

To be salt and light.

I’ve never been a screaming evangelist, although I’ve shared my faith. I’ve never been a theologian, although I’ve taught many Bible studies. I’ve never been an orator, although I have spoken in public. I’ve never been a famous author, although I love to write.

More than anything, I want to be a friend and to have an opportunity to be with someone in a way that they see Jesus in a new light and are thirsty for more.

So…forward means to me moving in the direction of where I can be salt and light. Salt makes me thirsty so that I want to drink more. Light illumines my way so that I see things I haven’t seen before. I want to live my life in a way that others don’t squint and run away or spit out the salt.

It’s not total clarity, but it’s a direction. It’s my “fixed point” as I move forward today, and in the days to come.

Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, despising the shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:2)

What is your “fixed point?” I’d love to hear your comments.

March 2015 Letter from Roger and Maggie Bruehl

                                                                                                                                                                March 6, 2015

Dear friends,

What do you think of when you hear the term “auditor?” Do you think “evangelist?”

I have the privilege of leading the Cru audit team of four auditors. They audit all of our ministry leaders yearly and ministry accounts every 3 years on a rotating basis.

One of the auditors is Larry Kent; someone you might guess is an auditor. As I got to know him, I discovered his real passion — Sharing the gospel.

Larry has developed a tract called, “Smiles.” It has been translated into over 100 languages. He gives it out freely from his website, http://www.on-tract.com , to anyone who wants to print it.

“Smiles” has had amazing result. Every time I see Larry, he’s bubbling over with a new story of how it has been used. One email came from Kenya:

It is my pleasure to inform you that the Lord is doing miracles over here through the tracts we’ve 2015-03 Pl pictrue 1been giving out in Streets, Bus Park, Market & Schools. I was surprised yesterday when 32 students searched for me. They found me in the church compound & they said, as they were going through the tract on Sunday when they were in studies, that they felt something like a land breeze hovering around their gathering of over 80 students. So out of them 32 took an initiative of looking for me & I led them to salvation.

Secondly brother, today in the evening have received a strange phone call from a man called Tobias. This man said, he has been a Muslim for 18 yrs since 1996 but when he read the tract which his son came home with, he got to know JESUS & I led them to salvation together with his family of 6 people over the phone. I will visit him soon. There are more & more testimonies that I cannot all explain brother.

2015-03 Pl pictrue 2Vijay from Nepal wrote: I am very excited to knowing your ministry. Here I would like to share my interest to you that if it could be possible to print your tracts into Napali, it would be great.

From Pastor Buckya in Banledesh: We are printing 60,000 of your tracts in 3 languages (Banjara, Teluga and Koya). They will change many people lives from darkness to holiness. Please pray for our team. We need strength, wisdom and good health to reach many unreached villages.

What a privilege to work with someone like Larry!  It reminds me how God wants to use us in our own unique ways. The world has gotten smaller with the web. While Satan may be using it for evil, people like Larry are using it to “let the whole world know.” Thank you for your prayers and support which allows me to work with someone like Larry.

 

Roger Bruehl

P.S.  If you want to see a video of how Larry starts a spiritual conversation, check out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H35CyLmfIzQ&feature=youtu.be

Forward – “Get Out of Our Way!”

2011-5-22 Great Wall“Get out of our way,” they replied. “This fellow came here as a foreigner, and now he wants to play judge! We’ll treat you worse than them.” They kept bringing pressure on Lot and moved forward to break down the door. (Genesis 19:9)

Since the word “forward” is my word of the year, I did a Bible search of when it is used. I neatly printed the verses and placed them on my desk — which lead them to being buried under piles of papers.

This morning, it re-surfaced. “Get out of our way!” shouted at me at the top of the page.

Lot was harboring visitors in the evil city of Sodom. Men gathered outside his door and wanted to sexually abuse them. Instead, Lot offered his daughters, but the visitors (who were angels) stuck the evil men with blindness, allowing them, Lot and his family to escape.

It’s an ugly story. But the part that jumped out to me was the, “Get out of our way!”

Moving forward is about clearing obstacles.

Most of my obstacles are in my head or heart. Fear. Doubt. Organization. Memory. The list goes on.

What intensity do I have? Not an exclamation point. I’m not breaking down doors. I’m not risking my life. Instead, I work on overcoming them little by little, in far less dramatic ways, in casual ways…

Am I too casual in clearing my obstacles? Is it time for me to tell them to “Get out of my way!”? Do I feel the pressure, the urgency, necessary to move forward and break through?

Lord, help me to attack my obstacles because of my passion for you. Help me to move forward in ways that please you. Lord, let me feel pressure from you to break through. Amen.

Fearful Forward

2011-5-22 Great WallIt’s such an innocent word, forward. When I picked it as my word for the year, I was thinking that I wanted the opposite of backwards, something that would not push me too much out of my comfort zone. It wasn’t like courage or boldness, right?

And yet it is, because it encompasses those words and even more.

You see, when you pick a work like forward, you don’t know where it is going. It may take courage or boldness or waiting or patience. I think I was hoping more for the waiting and patience.

But this week, in order to move forward, I’m going to need the courage and boldness. You see, I’ve been working on a book. Shhh…I’m scared to even write it, to hope for it. It started last year in the midst of cancer treatment. So many ask how I live in the middle of life and death. So I started writing things down, moving forward.

Then, at chapter 5, I got scared.

What if I die before it’s completed? What if no one wants to publish it? What if they do? What if it’s not “good? What if it is good and sells a ton and they want me to do interviews? The “what if’s” were overwhelming me. In fact, the more affirmation I got on the project, the more fearful I became.

I took a break from the project, but it didn’t gone away. I need to move forward.

New week is the Florida Christian Writers Conference. I signed up for it months ago. I’ve been assigned 2 publishers and a seminar leader to pick up at the airport. I can’t back out. Look what this “moving forward” has gotten me into!

Now I have to move forward — I can’t leave people at the airport! But my little introverted self is terrified. Just as I am working myself into a full blown panic attack, a blogger I follow wrote

I think being gentle with my soul looks like grace. It looks like taking a deep breath and enjoying the moment. It looks like letting go of the should’s and ought’s and could have’s. It looks like smiling at the mistakes and moving on. It looks like compassion for ourselves.(Gina Butz)

I should have picked the word “grace” or “compassion” for this year. But since I picked forward, pray I will “enjoy the moment” and keep moving ahead.

What scares you? How would giving yourself grace make a difference?