Maggie’s Blog

I’m back!

It’s been almost two years since I posted, since Jason, our son-in-law got sick. Going through cancer with him took me off-line with my blogging, and in some ways, with my heart. There was so much to do, so many feelings, I didn’t blog.

And with his passing, I had reasons to delay:

  • We’re still grieving.
  • I got trapped in patterns while care-giving Jason; I’m not sure I want to give them up.
  • I’m trying to catch up on life I’ve missed!
  • I’ve wanted to re-design the website.
  • I’ve wanted to complete a book I started. Bottom line: What are my priorities?

I still don’t have answers, but today I decided to start posting again. After all, I have to begin somewhere. It’s not that I haven’t written. I’ve been going through Psalms, rich in emotion and meaning, writing observations.

So what’s my hang-up? It’s my desire to do things “perfectly.” It’s the “expectations” I put on myself. They say you need to post 2-3 times weekly, so I wonder, will I be faithful? Did anyone miss me? Can I still communicate well, to the heart?

I need encouragement. I’ve gotten a little from family and friends, but nothing made me push the button. But today, I realized I write not because of family and friends. I write because I’m suppose to write. I cannot not write.

When I first started blogging, I didn’t tell anyone my blog address. I wanted my thoughts to be between me and God, not others. I also wanted to develop faithfulness. By blogging, I felt it was “out there” but still private.

Along the way, I realized my thoughts could be helpful to others. In fact, I began to feel it was wrong to not put things in cyberspace so that others could learn or be encouraged by whatever I am going through.

Today, my thoughts are no different. What I write is between me and God. But I’m also aware that others are listening, and it’s a good thing.

So—I’m re-launching my blog. Right now it’s on our ministry site. Later I hope to develop my own site. But this is good enough, even if it’s not “perfect!”

Maggie

 

 



God… We need to talk…

Isn’t having cancer enough? Did I really need a broken leg? Come on…

I think I was handling the cancer pretty well. Hearing the words “cancer” and “incurable” were hard enough. Going through a bone marrow transplant was very challenging. Contracting pneumonia on top of it, experiencing the brink of death, was almost unbearable, except for your peace. Continuing to live with the knowledge that is will come back can be despairing.

But you have been with me through it all. I re-learned the simple concept of “spiritual breathing” (exhaling sin/lack of faith and inhaling the peace and power of the Holy Spirit) in the midst of different circumstances. My circumstances had changed, but your Holy Spirit had not.

And I’ve done pretty good with it. Sure their were moments, but as I look back, I did pretty good trusting you. My friends and family came around me, each trying to encourage me as they tried to deal with their own emotions and fears of death. And I’ve enjoyed these years of relative health as the cancer is growing slowly. I’ve gotten back into a routine, loving life, busy doing things I enjoy and I feel you have called me to. I’ve tried to be obedient.

Maybe that is why I am here? Maybe in the midst of feeling good about my walk with you, you wanted me to dig deeper. In the midst of my business, maybe you wanted me to listen harder.  In the midst of what I thought was obedience, maybe you needed to get my attention.

Well, it worked. You got my attention. I’m listening. What do you want to say?